37

So in a few short months I turn 37. Seems like an innocuous number to most. But for some reason this number is hurtling at me like a meteor from space. It has been suffocating me in my sleep and haunting me in my waking hours. I haven't been able to wrap my mind around why until recently. 

37 is the age that my mother was when she gave birth to me. After years of trying.
37 is the age that my brother was when he died. After years of fighting.

Am I nearer to giving life or my own mortality? These are subconscious questions pounding themselves into my brain. This is why I am so freaked out about turning 37. What have I done in the past 36 years? Am I even worthy of all this worry? 

So to counter my fears, I am going to make 37 my glory year. It will be the year I become the perfect embodiment of the AMY of my mind's eye, the AMY of legend. So starting in February The Year Of Amy begins. I will make my mark on this age and make it an epic event. 

I will write something amazing. I will save lives. I will fall in love. I will have the greatest orgasm of my existence. I will dance ecstatically to my own music. I will travel to a place I've always wanted to go. I will face one of my fears, grab them by the balls, and throw them into a pit of poisonous snakes. I will conquer the year 37.