I'm Attempting To Sexify Myself

I thought to myself, "Self, Who is the sexiest mother fucker you can think of?"

Then I answered myself, "That's easy, Tom Fucking Selleck"

So I goes to myself again, "How can you make yourself uber Tom Selleck sexy?" 

Myself brilliantly answered, "It's the mustache. That damn sexy mustache."

I present to you my newly sexified self, with added sexiness.

Next step: Magnum P.I. spray tan and chest hair.