My own silver ribbon.

I am posting a link to this blog simply because I have been struggling with similar issues.  

My battle with depression has been ongoing and silent. It is one that comes with a cost. Pride sometimes keeps me from acknowledging my depression for what it is. I touched on it in a few previous posts. But the truth is, the grip of this illness suffocates me at times.

I self medicate with social interactions. Sometimes becoming inappropriate with my friends. Trying to replace feeling with other feelings is a tricky business. I utilize my skill with herbs to alleviate the pain or lack of pain at times. But none of these things cures the disease raging inside me. It is an intermittent condition for me. As a medical professional, sometimes I forget I need to ask for help too. Being a nurse who works with mentally disabled elderly* can skew my perception of normal. Sometimes I get lost in the imaginary world I live and work in.

I do my meditations. I chant my mantras. I rub my ointments and oils on myself. But the only thing that has made a difference is time. Taking the time to allow myself to look into the eyes of the beast and let it run it's course. 

Right now, I am running with the beast. But I am not alone. I am not a slave to the beast. He is my companion, but he does not rule me. Once in a while he carries me more than I carry him. It is anything but a symiotic relationship. We are unhealthy for each other. But we remain entangled in each other's lives. 

I do not ask you to do anything for me. If you see me at the coffee shop or the pub, just give me a hug. That is my favorite medicine.

 

*For those who don't know, I work with patients suffering from Alzheimer's Disease and other forms of Dementia.